What if

As Christmas nears
This year much more quickly than the last
It’s hard to get into the spirit
Somehow the world seems upside down
So close, yet so far, from so much sorrow the world over.
Feeling my privileged guilt
That I’m not supposed to feel
Or that I can feel but must follow with some action.
Yet I feel frozen into inaction.
Overwhelmed by all the need.
As though I can’t focus on every need,
And so I focus on none.
What if I fundraised?
What if I donated?
What if I gave some time?
What if I dedicated my life to activism?
But yet the fear of somehow abusing my privilege has me frozen once more.
I fear screwing things up with good intentions.
The self-righteous saviour.
But won’t I look back and wish I had done more?
No one knows that I am frozen due to too much caring (whatever that means).
What will be remembered is how we acted in these times (or didn’t act)
While others suffered so.

While others suffered so
And I’m frozen in inaction.
Compassion overload, compassion exhaustion.
And I haven’t even gotten started yet.

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